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Open Letter to the Big Hairy Man

Dear Big&Hairy,
I love you dearly. The last fifteen years with you have been delightful, and for once I am not being sarcastic in the least. Given this, I have a favor to ask, which I hope you will fully consider with honest intent. Search your soul and see if you can find it in you to give this one small gift to your adoring wife.
All I ask of you, my beloved, is this: STOP GIVING THE DOG WASABI PEAS. Yes, I know. You think it's hilarious to watch him do the hot spice doggie dance, but then he spits it out somewhere and I end up finding it, broken and half chewed, later. 
On the floor. 
With my bare feet.
Have you ever experienced the pain of digging spicy freeze dried vegetable shards from your flesh? No? Turns out it's not so pleasant. Please, for the love...just throw him a bone and call it good. 
XOXO, your adoring wife

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